Change is good. You’ll be OK no matter what

At this time of year, a lot of you are getting ready to experience the next phase of your life. For some, it’s starting a new high school while for others, it’s packing up and heading for college. Some people are leaving the country for a year to study abroad. Are you changing jobs or starting your first job in your new career? Are you moving to a different area that you know nothing about?

For people who run on the anxious side of life, change comes hard. Much of what happens is unknown and not necessarily in your control. Most of us like to know what’s happening but that’s not always possible. We prefer predictability.

Some may be leaving loved ones behind. This is made more difficult with the COVID-19 pandemic where we have been spending much more time at home than in previous years. Our pets will miss us and we them. It could be as simple as getting used to a new bed. Ending a relationship with someone because life is taking both of you in new directions is especially painful, even when it’s been anticipated for months.

I have a number of people in my practice struggling with leaving home. One 18-year-old young woman does not feel she is smart enough to attend her new college even though the admission committee thought well of her to want her in their incoming first-year class. Another 18-year-old is heading off to Israel. At the same time, her family is moving to a new state. She is saying goodbye to friends and is not considering that she will quickly make new friends easily because she is charming and friendly.

All these feelings are both normal and completely understandable. Even if you are having an awesome time in your new surroundings, we all miss home to various degrees. Some people in my practice can’t wait to leave to escape constant family conflict and dysfunction.

So, make this your mantra. With all the changes that are happening, adopt the belief that you’ll be OK no matter what.

What makes me so sure about this?

We are human beings and as such are equipped with the ability to adapt to new situations and circumstances. We are also creatures of comfort and seek homeostasis, structure, and purpose. We analyze what’s going on, check out our emotions, figure out workable solutions and then take action. If the plan doesn’t work out, we can go to Plan B, C, D, and so on until we get it right. It’s a matter of so what, now what?

If we believe that we’re worthy of pursuing good things and other people or institutions have faith in us, then why not us?

What might be getting in the way are those lousy negative thoughts/introjects that play out in our minds that ruin our day.

Remember that one of the best things about starting a completely new school, college, or job is that you can be at the starting line with everyone else. You can try out a new identity to define yourself. New clothes. New furnishings. Novel places to explore. It’s an exciting time to get out of your own Awful-Land and get to a new place leaving much of your old history behind. It’s a new day!

So, as you get ready to go, hold your head up. Have faith in yourself. You’re worthy of this new opportunity. Things will work out because you have the ability to make it so if you don’t doubt yourself.

You got this! Don’t look back.