The Worth of the Try

Recently, I had the pleasurable opportunity to visit the Vincent van Gogh Immersive Experience in New York with my wife Jayne and friends Mark and Linda. The one we visited was in Battery Park City North and if you’re planning to visit New York, don’t miss it.

I went to the Musee D’Orsay in Paris eight years ago. I was lucky enough to study van Gogh’s compositions with his use of blue, orange, and yellow but what transfixed me was the Portrait of the Artist. I stood at the side of this work for what seemed like forever visually tracing his brushstrokes that were thick and swirling.

Vincent van Gogh had many challenges with epilepsy and profound depression. I was not aware that he was somewhat color blind and often painted while hospitalized and/or during a depressive episode.

Yes, art therapy works.

Despite the depths of despair when things felt hopeless, the artist persevered until life’s physical and mental misery was too much. Perhaps his cornerstone of worth completely shattered much like Amanda’s who also died by suicide.

There are two quotes of van Gogh that resonate with what I will call “The Worth of the Try”. Simply put, to try is to make a worthy effort.

“What would life be if we had no courage to try.”

Many of us give up too soon when we are on the threshold of accomplishment. We cancel out new experiences. “It’s too late in my life to learn that.” “I’m not smart enough to do that.” “Nah, I’d suck at that. Not happening.”

Why do we defeat ourselves before the attempt? Maybe we fear looking dumb. We give too much power to the naysayers. Is it possible that we don’t have the patience to work through failed trials? Do we fear embarrassment by our own mean, internal critic?

I’ve done two things in my 60s which give me a great deal of joy. At age 64, I bought a Fender J bass, a gig amp and got weekly lessons from the Guitar Dominator, Mike. I now play in a band and starting to learn music theory, It’s not easy but I’ll get it.

The other thing was to start painting again after 45 years. The whole story of how I found my worthiness through these artistic pursuits is in my upcoming book Being Worthy coming out in Spring 2022.

Van Gogh said:

“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you can’t paint’, then by all means paint, and that voice will be silent.”

By giving ourselves the permission to give things a worthy try, it’s possible to experience the freedom and joy of an outcome you never thought possible. Just check out what I painted.

If you don’t believe me, try this. Get a hold of some paper, pencils, and crayons. Close your eyes and try to see what’s in your mind. You’ll need to have both quiet and solitude to make this work. It could be stick figures. Use all the colors. Let yourself go. Use bold strokes. Be bold. The most important thing is not to judge your artwork

What you’ll find is a satisfying feeling that is actually quite peaceful and serene. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself energized by the attempt. There’s usually a bounce off of doing this for yourself.

My van Gogh self-portrait hangs on the fridge, a worthy product of the try!