What Jenga Teaches Us About Self-Worth and Resilience

One of the people in my practice, Mike, is a 31-year-old law student who is completing his legal education in a few weeks. Like most attorneys, Mike dwells “in small details” (kudos to Don Henly and Bruce Hornsby). Anything less than a perfectionistic, predictable outcome constitutes a major personal failure – an injury to his cornerstone of worth.

So this was the assigned homework after a recent session: “I want you to buy Jenga and get back to playing it.” Dutifully, Mike went to the local Target and got it.

For those of you who have no clue of what I’m talking about, Jenga is a game where players must remove one block of 54, one at a time, and place it atop the tower. Each move makes the structure increasingly unstable until it falls with the last successful player winning.

Children who are anxious, reticent, or afraid of criticism love playing Jenga. No points. No big competition. Lots of fun when the blocks come crashing down with the opportunity of a new game. Structural engineering students learn load factors, tension, compression, torsion, compression, and earthquake viability from Jenga. There’s even a Jenga-like building in New York in lower Manhattan.

Jenga is a nerdy drinking game that is big on college campuses. Couples can build structures of several feet/meters and find it hilarious when the blocks collapse.

Why then, did I tell Mike to buy Jenga?

As he goes through his career, Mike is going to lose motions and cases in court. Things are not always going to go his way. This may even conflict with his sense of justice. He needs not to shove a lightning bolt up his butt when that inevitability happens. Unfortunately, Mie had many things and events that didn’t go right in his history. He often feels that other lives are easier and better and somehow, he failed to achieve what others have.

While Mike’s first attempt at law school did not work out, this time he has a shot of redemption and personal triumph if he were to see it that way, I’m trying hard to have Mike change his perspective to look forward with excitement, not retro with resentment and despair. He’s having trouble doing this.

The Jenga Metaphor offers many valuable takeaways. Here are some for you to consider.

1. Keep your base (cornerstone of worth) stable. This includes a stable table.

2. Get rid of people who cheat, shake the table to get their way.

3. Take your time. Looks things over. Get the big picture.

4. Try something (gently push a block) for feasibility. If not, push back.

5. With 10 seconds as a limit be decisive, not obsessive. Make your move.

6. If things fall, you can rebuild and enjoy the process.

7. If your move makes the tower taller, don’t forget to laugh.

8. If your move makes the tower fall, don’t forget to laugh.

When your life has seemingly fallen to pieces, have faith in your worthiness and rebuild. Make your life

stronger and more beautiful. Can you build back better?

Of course, you can!

Mike placed his Jenga tower on his desk to remind himself that his life will present many moments of building, collapse and rebuilding again,

I think he will show his future clients his Jenga tower as he advocates cases in his new career.

How about you?